I need to post an actual update on LJ hopefully tomorrow. I've started one, but I'm either tired, sad or too busy to update.
Kibby was starting to die within the last couple of weeks & finally early Sunday morning she passed away. I lost the last of my childhood and now after losing my 'rents and two other cats prior I really feel lost.
It's becoming difficult to vent to Brad or talk to him about things such as Kibby's passing or how I feel in general becuz he's not as emotionally supportive as he used to be. His sarcasm has grown worse. Especially during the worst moments.
I feel distance and I think it's becuz of how much I've clung onto him, so I am trying to back away and keep to myself more. It's difficult @ times as I was used to that emotional side of him, but I know with his age and how much time we've now been together things just won't be the same.
Dakota visits from time to time, but not as much. I think as Brad has said she thinks of herself due to her age and I also think part of her is disappointed I didn't jump to the idea of her and Cody moving in, but I just emotionally can't handle the extra company.
I need & want Brad's often, but since he has left me disappointed and frustrated by then I just wanna be alone.
Talking is the biggest change. Even when I'm upset & trying to talk to him he spends his time watching TV. He's worse than anyone I have ever known when it comes to TV. He stays glued to it when he's not working around the house or @ the property which now he's claiming he's going to be @ more often now.
The living room is situated really well, and now all I have to do is get the clutter out of the garage and front room and then I'm going to press on with driving as Brad just doesn't work out in that department as much anymore either and I don't wanna depend on him. Plus I'm tired of the driving lectures.
Amanda & Jeremy have given me support when needed. I even had an argument with Brad over the weekend and begged them to come over @ the last minute around midnight and they did. They spent a night and left the following evening. It was nice, but brad avoids them becuz of how much they eat/drink here and we still don't know where Mom's rings are @, so we often wonder if either took them, though part of me is saying I will find them in due time. I hope so.
I love Brad and he's a good friend, but his compassion wears thin after a short amount of time so now I feel like I've over welcomed my sadness and grief. Jeremy tells me regardless it's still expected.
I know I've got to get the front room situated so brad can move into there when company is over or whatever. I miss playing games @ night and he'll sleep in a vehicle outside if Jeremy & Amanda stay the night and that irks me.
Of course no one else has been by or kept in touch, but I'm not really surprised. Jake showed up one evening to visit. Mainly cuz now his dad has cancer so he can finally relate.
Brad helps here a lot from time to time, other times he's so glued to the tv that he wonders why later on that nothing got done or why now he has a belly. I just can't imagine why, ha.
I need to get back into gaming, back into blogging and keeping to myself. There are just so many changes and now with Kibby's death it just seems like endless shit happening.
It's to the point most days I just don't want to wake up or even go to sleep, but I still continue to see what happens next.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.